No, not the R. Kelly song.

This week Ireland voted to legalize same sex marriage.  This was a first as it is an entire country.  There are things that have a long way to go in many places but if you look at where we have come from we have come a long way.  Bit by bit we are becoming more accepting of each other.  We are getting more comfortable with ambiguity of the sex and choices that were long deemed bad.  We are becoming less tolerant of rogue cops who use unnecessary force against the people they are supposed to be protecting.  We are becoming less tolerant of hate and judgement and more accepting.  Especially if you look at where we were just 50 years ago it’s incredible, especially compared to the span of human history.  

Recently I have been revisiting the 4 part documentary called The Century Of Self.  It’s an incredible story of how Freud’s teachings in World War I era came to dominate the American conscious and way of life.  His beliefs that people are animals and couldn’t be trusted were the basis of ideas of marketing to the consumer and creating a consumer culture.  This is where advertising was born.  Prior to this people only bought what they needed.  After this people’s inner desires were stirred and the introduction of products given to placate those desires.  Since people couldn’t be trusted this is why they had to be placated with desires which was consumerism.  The consuming self would create a stable society because people would always respond to yearning. Corporations were built on this.  Governments used these ideas.  Studies were done on children where they were taught to conform.  One study in particular raised a small group of kids to conform.

At 1st it appeared that the study was a success as the kids in the study grew up and married.  But later the effects of the project started to unravel as some of the kids (now adults) got into drugs and other struggles with one of them eventually committing suicide.  The conforming structure done in the experiment backfired as the illusion started to wear thin and unravel.

I believe one of the greatest gifts we can give as humans is to be 100% who we are. No masks. No performing.  If you look at our planet we are moving into a space where we are more accepting of each other which creates a better setting for such.   In other words the neat boxes set up for us by prior generations have been busted apart.  We are becoming more tolerant and less conformist to similar standards.

But there is a long way to go.  Besides the obvious examples of bigotry and sexism (there are so many untouched fields not commonly touted that still need help such as racism against Muslims in America, the bias against overweight women and more) we have to examine our habits as individuals.  One example that is huge relates to our smartphones.   We have clicking habits that waste time.  Our social media habits, especially Facebook, are energy stealers.  The biggest issue of smartphone social media addiction is something I call The Opinion.

The Opinion is the greater exchange we engage in with our “likes”, sharing and comments.  It seems innocent. Also, “fun”. You’re connecting with friends and family! Keeping in touch! But besides the time suck we are tethering our lives to The Opinion even if seemingly innocent.  And this fractures us as beings. The Opinion becomes a greater thing than us and is invisible.  It gets fed by performance.  This brings temporary comfort.  But it’s never enough which is why you will come back for more each time.  It has to be fed.  And the brain candy that constant clicking brings you is the perfect habit to allow The Opinion to (invisibily) stay front and center.

In order for us to all drop the masks and take care of each other and live fully as who we are we have to break these chains.  We have to risk. We have to trust in the unknown and ignite our wills.  We have to go inward in silent power.  It is easy in life to fall down in the ditches and get hurt and carry open wounds or shrouds over our hearts that hold us back.  But the planet as a whole needs us. She needs us to be who we are, uniquely. Without fear of bias or hate and without conforming to a blanket standard.  She needs us to get back up from failure and disappointment and not let it change us or hold us back.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this as I’m a “nice” person and this has crushed me at times in my naive nature and inability to receive properly.  This could have changed me for the worst.  But I kept thinking about this concept of how important we all collectively be who we are. And I thought (don’t laugh) of the Garth Brooks song “The Change”. And I realized the answer was to be stronger in who I am, with more backbone and less tolerance for the selfish pricks of the world.  I realized I had to shed The Opinion.  And this is what I want for everyone is to be who they are without fear and without being shackled to opinions that don’t matter really. It’s hard to hear the silent voice of your truth underneath the roar of The Opinion. But it’s there and honoring that voice is ironically what all these other people need too.