My mom’s been married 3 times.  I’ve had three “father figures” though none really carried the role of dad. They’re all dead.  My 1st stepfather died when I was 15 years old.  My biological dad, whom I wasn’t raised with and never really got to know, died when I was 22 years old, 7 years later.  And 7 years after that my 2nd stepfather died.  I was just thinking how I didn’t have to attend a funeral this past year, 7 years since the last death.  Phew.

I think when you go through a lot of loss in life you eventually learn to let people and situations go faster, since life is really one big transition after the next anyway.  When I was younger I actually didn’t process losses as well (there were many stacked on top of one another like my parents’ loss of job suddenly and our quick move where we left things behind, and the time our house burned to the ground when I was 11 years old, and more stuff I won’t bore you with) so there were many situations as a young adult where I was in a suspended state of existence , which contributed to my child like personality and walls.  It’s like a form of PTSD that takes hold in your bones, and becomes your armor whether you want it to or not.

As you get older you start to thaw, and it becomes easier to pick up the experiences without locking emotion in, the best way to go.  This is the point I’ve come to now in life.  It’s weirdly like it isn’t as shocking, as you’ve loosened your grip on paradigm and come to realize there is no paradigm.  When people exit your life, even if it’s not a physical death, you let it be and honor it for the transition it is.  

I feel like this journey has allowed me to start to trust life better, rather than leaning into a blueprint I think should be the norm. It’s also provided a strength of character that I’ve just gotta believe has been forged with a higher purpose in mind.