One of my favorite non fiction books I read when I was in my early 20s is called Bowling Alone by Robert D. Putnam. He wrote the book in the late 90s and it was published in 2000. The book examines the changing face of American social life and community and how we connect. It looks at the breakdown and changes in what people value from civic services to bowling leagues. Putnam touches on the net but it was such a new phenomenon at the time that it looks nothing like the smartphone powered era of today. I think of this book often, every time I see an article on the effects of smartphones and social media from the perspective of isolation and fulfillment and what fulfillment means. Smart phones and social media devices make it seem like we are more “connected” than ever before yet people are struggling more and more with feelings of inadequacy and insecurity because of the effects of such, even though on the surface we feel we are satisfied and having an innocent good ol’ time connecting on these platforms. I’m currently in the latter half of an incredible book called iGen by Jean Twenge that examines the effects of the generation growing up fully connected. Interestingly the kids profiled that are of the iGen generation were born during the time of the publication of Putnam’s book. There are deep unhappiness concerns associated with this generation because there are more online interactions with friends vs in person, which has lead to this unprecedented rise in anxiety, depression and loneliness. This was recently profiled in a journalistic piece I read where soldiers experiencing combat PTSD are in today’s world more apt to come back to their barracks and Facebook about it rather than talking to their platoon mates. This has made healing and recovery more challenging to the troops because the act of turning online is less effective than talking in person about the experiences.

This environment has affected me. I got off Facebook a couple of years ago because I felt that the online pandering about one’s life all the time created sick addictions to attention and approval that seems like fun and bonding on the surface but has sick and insidious undertones and effects. I used to be that person that posted all the time, and though bantering with IRL friends offline is fun it’s an unhealthy habit so I quit. I miss the old days of not knowing, when the internet was tucked away on your corner office computer. It’s hard to fully remove yourself from social media (though still possible) so I have attempted to strike a balance by only doing Instagram 4-5 times a week max (if at all), and Twitter more for media stories and connecting on causes and silly ideas and tweets. Overall I want my social media to be personal but also informative, less focused on the pandering aspect of sites like Facebook. This is one of the big keys in social media habits is HOW you use it and how much. The social media apps are purposely and nefariously designed to be addicting to people.

All of this has lead to me reevaluating life in regards to state and energy. Things like where time and energy is invested, cause and effect, why I (and why other people) do what they do, what the effects of shame and love deficits look like, and most importantly in all this static and noise: what matters, what matters, what matters?? I’m so fed up with put-ons, hyperbole and average things getting elevated. It’s just a big virtual circle jerk. I feel like a big movement that is coming in the future for society will be a Real movement. This looks visually like Moses parting the Red Sea, separating (like I said before in a prior post) the wheat from the chaff. Modern society is already getting fed up with the lurking, hidden sexual predators. You just wait. This is only the beginning of pulling back the curtain.

My mother is battling an unknown illness. We don’t have an answer yet, they are still looking into things they have found and are testing further. My mother isn’t particularly “old”. She just turned 70 in October. But this slap in the face of her mortality has deeply affected me. It comes at a time in my life when I have been closely examining all these things just mentioned to see what matters. There are deep seated issues between my mother and me related to rejection and abandonment along with love deficits that have impacted my adult life and my ability to give and receive love. It’s like there’s this very real and big hearted person under the surface of who I am who doesn’t have good habits and skill sets to communicate my essence and exchange them properly. The face of these issues starts to morph in the face of unknown yet very real potentials. This is where I’m at. I have no concrete answers. But I’ve definitely got my eye on the prize of what matters.