I was thinking tonight about the GIANT disconnects of my life because of being weird and different(inspo quote: “whatever makes you weird is probably your greatest asset” YEAH RIGHT). One major thing: being a real, literal person in a world where you must constantly prop people up by massaging their ego. The way of the world is like one giant jerk off, nothing sincere but everything a play into something else. The ones who “win” figure out the angle, like “cues”. (It’s basically like being an expert pool (billiards) player).

As a kid of the 1980s most of my peers loved movies like ET, Goonies and The Princess Bride. I loved Big Trouble In Little China, Maximum Overdrive and The Private Eyes starring Tim Conway and Don Knotts. Also, The Pink Panther films starring Peter Sellers. Imagine trying to bond with your fellow 4th and 5th graders over Tim Conway, Don Knotts and Peter Sellers. It doesn’t work, it’s like speaking a different language.

I finally realized in my late 30s (it took this long) that I am speaking a different language. I just am. Everyone is running on DOS and I’m on Linux operating system. What makes the difference?? The user. Okay this may seem to be a boring analogy but this is what I mean: You have to find your people. This is the secret sauce. Not reprogramming yourself (I’ve never done this but felt like I needed to at times). But the commodity driven energy of our modern society is built on selling you something so in essence it is built on making you feel inadequate (especially if you are female).

I get so frustrated with the formulas. I see these men dating these predictable women. The women fit molds physically (always thin of course) but they have the personality of a lamppost. Or are just mean and snotty. It pisses me off that the predictable “wins”. That there is no place for real or originality because that doesn’t check boxes so it creates uncertainty. I’m sick of pansy males who can’t decide. Who don’t risk. Who don’t try. The status quo reigns supreme. And the rest of the world plays into it.